Nadine

last time i weighed myself, in my aunts bathroom, i weighed 228 lbs. that was 2 weeks ago! i know i weigh less than that (or just lost some inches) because my pants are looser! yay for me!… but what i’m realizing, is that because i just let myself go for so long, my body will never be the same as it was in high school. i have all this extra skin.. it’s not a big surprise, i had some when i lost my intial 30 lbs.- but i’m scared to keep losing. what if i do reach my ideal weight? would i be more or less self-conscience then i am right now? im a big girl, but i’m pretty proportioned & have no problem having a good time with my hubby with the lights ON, but thats because i know that i’m not sloppy big. will i just look sloppy? like some people that have gastric bypass & have an extra 50lbs of loose skin, no offense to anyone reading this that has- but loose skin is definitely not attractive in my eyes… i also know that i want to be healthy && that is my numero uno goal- but would i just work myself into a depression? ughh. i’m worrying over nothing. just lose the weight &  worry about the skin later- right?

Last night… was horrible for me. i’ve been sick all week & was laying around my hubby’s house being lazy, when he asked if i wanted to go to applebees for dinner. i said no, because, DUH, i’m sick & asked him to just cook something at home (we just spent $300 @ the grocery store 2 days ago!) he told me that he really wanted to go to applebees & asked to take my car. So… having that weird gut feeling in my stomach, i decided that i was gonna go with him & see what he was REALLY wanting there.. & then, surprise surprise, he told me that we were meeting up with some people from his job when we were parked in the parking lot.  i  wasn’t mad about that, i was just irritated because i was in a pair of sweats & flip flops, my hair was thrown into a frizzy bun & i had snot dripping outta my nose (i haven’t met his co-workers before). So, we walk in & he says that they aren’t there  and we get our own table. about 15 min. after, some girls walk up to our table & start talking to him (lets ignore that he’s sitting at the table with his girlfriend & friend).. & then they just walk away..  he told me that they were his coworkers… OK.. so stop, right there.. light bulbs blinking & caution signs blaring. HE WANTED TO DITCH ME, TO GO EAT WITH A WHOLE BUNCH OF CUTE GIRLS FROM WORK. & THEN NOT EVEN INTRODUCE ME TO THEM?  that explains his DIRE need to get to applebees & why he kept pushing me to stay home because i was sick.  wtf? he’s got me fucked up if he thinks he’s slick & can play games like that (sorry for the language)… i stayed civil at the restaurant & really really didn’t want to argue. which is good, because when i started up on the ride home, he didn’t have shit to say. && can you believe that he had the audacity to try & play in goodies later that night? his shit got shut down!!  i don’t know if i’m making things bigger than they seem, but i’ve learned to listen to my gut when it’s tryna tell me something, & to think with my brain, not my heart. && right now…. my guts telling me the situation is all bad, my brain is telling me to RUN, & my heart is telling me that i don’t know anything & im overreacting. when i even think about him cheating on me with other girls, i’m so wishy-washy on it. what the hell do i do?

anyways, to keep my mind off of things, i decided to build a cat condo out of some scrap wood from my uncles workplace. so after 2 hours of measuring, sawing, & screwing it all together, it is 1/2 way done! i bought a burber remnant from a locale flooring store & am gonna get ready to carpet & rope the sucker. i’ll post a picture of my creation nxt post!
My Purzy (yes, that’s my cat’s name) is gonna love it!